Ruttbathun is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, boastful bird.

Ruttbathun created a Higgs boson five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ruttbathun, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ruttbathun, she will throw large rocks at you.

Ruttbathun's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Ruttbathun's Holy Commandments

1. Ruttbathun must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

3. Never talk about tortoises.

4. Never wear yellow dresses.

5. Never think ill of sick frogs.