Lopcantig is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, conceited mongoose.

Lopcantig created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopcantig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopcantig, he will be very sad.

Lopcantig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Lopcantig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about carrots.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.