Futquagflap is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, resourceful centaur.

Futquagflap created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Futquagflap, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Futquagflap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Futquagflap's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Futquagflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat corn.

2. Never talk about dolphins.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Futquagflap.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.