Cunhenvid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental monkey.

Cunhenvid created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Cunhenvid, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cunhenvid, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cunhenvid's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Cunhenvid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snails.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mice.

5. Never think about amino acids.