Vagkemleg is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, humane dingo.

Vagkemleg created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vagkemleg, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vagkemleg, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vagkemleg's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Vagkemleg's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat carrots.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Vagkemleg.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must pray to Vagkemleg eight times a day.