Vinpin is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy snake.

Vinpin created carbon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Vinpin, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vinpin, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vinpin's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Vinpin's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near goats.

2. Do not speak about gooseberries.

3. Never feed aubergines to monkeys while wearing fawn shorts.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.