Hapfutstip is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, kind zebra.

Hapfutstip created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapfutstip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hapfutstip, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hapfutstip's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Hapfutstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not run in public.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always wear green.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Never go into indigo rooms.