Badvinontjab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, witty jellyfish.

Badvinontjab created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Badvinontjab, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Badvinontjab, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Badvinontjab's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Badvinontjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Retreat if three monkeys approach from the east.