Tigmispan is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, benevolent gorilla.

Tigmispan created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Tigmispan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tigmispan, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tigmispan's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tigmispan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always look after injured snakes.

5. Do not speak about garlic.