Wikfosshen is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, resourceful dolphin.

Wikfosshen created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Wikfosshen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Wikfosshen, he will turn you into a tree.

Wikfosshen's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Wikfosshen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to tapirs while wearing pink scarves.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Hide from yellow bats for they are unholy.

5. Always wear brown.