Kiptamnellcem is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, all-powerful whale.

Kiptamnellcem created viruses three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiptamnellcem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kiptamnellcem, he will turn you into a duck.

Kiptamnellcem's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Kiptamnellcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about spinach.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Run away from pink dolphins, for they are unholy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always help nematodes.