Tonkwapbeg is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, omniscient goose.

Tonkwapbeg created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkwapbeg, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tonkwapbeg, it will turn you into a rat.

Tonkwapbeg's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tonkwapbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not drink alcohol.