Ratwabvonvag is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, generous crab.

Ratwabvonvag created the Milkyway four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratwabvonvag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ratwabvonvag, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Ratwabvonvag's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Ratwabvonvag's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Never think ill of sick seals.

5. Do not covet oxen.