Stikganvonwap is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unthoughtful hydra.

Stikganvonwap created bats six billion years ago.

If you believe in Stikganvonwap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stikganvonwap, he will turn you into a plant.

Stikganvonwap's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Stikganvonwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear cyan dresses.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. You must never eat apples.

4. You must pray to Stikganvonwap four times a day.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.