Carquartfab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, duplicitous hippopotamus.

Carquartfab created the Sombrero Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Carquartfab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Carquartfab, he will turn you into a puffin.

Carquartfab's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Carquartfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to capybaras while wearing green scarves.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Hide from gray dogs for they are unholy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not make images of living things.