Arpgovdum is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, omnipotent wasp.

Arpgovdum created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpgovdum, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Arpgovdum, she will turn you into a sheep.

Arpgovdum's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Arpgovdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near aardvarks.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never feed parsnips to dolphins while wearing black dresses.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help doves in need.