Riljamcubkar Garontlun is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless goat.

Riljamcubkar Garontlun created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Riljamcubkar Garontlun, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Riljamcubkar Garontlun, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Riljamcubkar Garontlun's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Riljamcubkar Garontlun's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not eat cucumbers.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never think ill of sick snails.

5. Do not drink alcohol.