Cimpangam is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering wren.

Cimpangam created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Cimpangam, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Cimpangam, she will cry a lot.

Cimpangam's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cimpangam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven lead sculptures of Cimpangam on top of important buildings.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Put Cimpangam first in all things.

5. Always wear green.