Yarripstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, passionate wren.

Yarripstaf created a photon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarripstaf, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarripstaf, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Yarripstaf's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Yarripstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Yarripstaf on top of all buildings.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.