Kimratquamlaptomjen is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, contented fairy.

Kimratquamlaptomjen created dark energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimratquamlaptomjen, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kimratquamlaptomjen, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kimratquamlaptomjen's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Kimratquamlaptomjen's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Put Kimratquamlaptomjen first in all things.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.