Tifsugflag is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, staggering snail.

Tifsugflag created the planet Jupiter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifsugflag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tifsugflag, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tifsugflag's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tifsugflag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. You must never eat limes.

4. Never talk about whales.

5. Always treat ducks with great respect.