Nulnurgem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental snail.

Nulnurgem created parasitic wasps nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nulnurgem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nulnurgem, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Nulnurgem's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nulnurgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to dolphins while wearing green coats.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.