Nabmetrapjon is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, slow narwhal.

Nabmetrapjon created dark matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nabmetrapjon, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nabmetrapjon, she will be mildly annoyed.

Nabmetrapjon's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nabmetrapjon's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of ducks.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Nabmetrapjon on top of all buildings.

4. Do not speak about cucumbers.

5. Hide if eight hamsters approach from the south.