Bastzenkik Bosshungem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, selfish pig.

Bastzenkik Bosshungem created a top quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastzenkik Bosshungem, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bastzenkik Bosshungem, he will curse you with boils.

Bastzenkik Bosshungem's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bastzenkik Bosshungem's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never mention aardvarks.

4. Never paint your neck red.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.