Gesslen Bitnarbass is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonourable swan.

Gesslen Bitnarbass created vertebrates six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gesslen Bitnarbass, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gesslen Bitnarbass, she will strike you with lightening.

Gesslen Bitnarbass' most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Gesslen Bitnarbass' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never bounce near capybaras.

3. Never feed wheat to squirrels while wearing mauve shirts.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never mention monkeys.