Ditlamcep is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, stupid rat.

Ditlamcep created silver four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditlamcep, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ditlamcep, he will remove you from existence.

Ditlamcep's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Ditlamcep's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shorts.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

4. Always help ants in need.

5. Do not run in public.