Arfjadgup is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, clever porpoise.

Arfjadgup created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfjadgup, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Arfjadgup, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Arfjadgup's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Arfjadgup's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

2. Do not hurt ants.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Hide from magenta shrews for they are unholy.

5. Never wear mauve shorts.