Karmonyat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, amazing snail.

Karmonyat created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Karmonyat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Karmonyat, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Karmonyat's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Karmonyat's Holy Commandments

1. Put Karmonyat first in all things.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Karmonyat loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.