Lagwotzencid is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, egotistical mouse.

Lagwotzencid created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagwotzencid, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagwotzencid, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lagwotzencid's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Lagwotzencid's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near badgers.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Lagwotzencid on top of all buildings.

3. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

4. Do not eat pineapples.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.