Besttailpop is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, annoying snail.

Besttailpop created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Besttailpop, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Besttailpop, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Besttailpop's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Besttailpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

2. Run away if nine porpoises approach from the south.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.