Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, almighty newt.

Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik created the Large Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Nullgunran Barnzoghakwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat nuts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.