Cantarsaf is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, dishonourable scorpion.

Cantarsaf created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cantarsaf, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cantarsaf, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cantarsaf's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Cantarsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Never think ill of sick doves.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always look after injured nematodes.