Yatyattdag is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, uncaring finch.

Yatyattdag created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yatyattdag, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yatyattdag, it will turn you into a frog.

Yatyattdag's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Yatyattdag's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Yatyattdag.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.