Tarpgemzak is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, loving whale.

Tarpgemzak created the Large Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpgemzak, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tarpgemzak, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tarpgemzak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Tarpgemzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about otters.

2. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tarpgemzak on top of all buildings.

3. Always look after injured great tits.

4. You must never eat turnips.

5. Do not cook food in pots.