Jonbanpang is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unsympathetic manatee.

Jonbanpang created the Milkyway six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonbanpang, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jonbanpang, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Jonbanpang's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Jonbanpang's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo foxes for they are unholy.

2. You must never eat pineapples.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.