Arpzodtab Gartanbim is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, wise alligator.

Arpzodtab Gartanbim created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arpzodtab Gartanbim, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arpzodtab Gartanbim, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arpzodtab Gartanbim's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Arpzodtab Gartanbim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Run away from yellow ants, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Feed all hungry otters.