Jannullquatcan is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, awesome fox.

Jannullquatcan created a down quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jannullquatcan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jannullquatcan, he will turn you into a mouse.

Jannullquatcan's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Jannullquatcan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jannullquatcan.

2. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never paint your face white.