Larphogjig is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, amazing bear.

Larphogjig created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Larphogjig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Larphogjig, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Larphogjig's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Larphogjig's Holy Commandments

1. Larphogjig must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Put Larphogjig first in all things.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.