Jarnnillbad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical porpoise.

Jarnnillbad created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnillbad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jarnnillbad, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Jarnnillbad's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Jarnnillbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not commit murder.