Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, ruthless donkey.

Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb, she will throw large rocks at you.

Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Cepmutnurl Xinsadgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Do not eat aubergines.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.