Ladkabhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, idiotic walrus.

Ladkabhiv created oxygen four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladkabhiv, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ladkabhiv, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Ladkabhiv's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Ladkabhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

5. Never look at black holes.