Ortnibarm is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, weak crocodile.

Ortnibarm created a down quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortnibarm, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ortnibarm, it will turn you into a hamster.

Ortnibarm's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Ortnibarm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never think ill of sick horses.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.