Futmiftif Ladlargsab is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful hyena.

Futmiftif Ladlargsab created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Futmiftif Ladlargsab, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Futmiftif Ladlargsab, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Futmiftif Ladlargsab's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Futmiftif Ladlargsab's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. You must love Futmiftif Ladlargsab.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never think ill of sick goats.