Bamkemmidmon is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical hydra.

Bamkemmidmon created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamkemmidmon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bamkemmidmon, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Bamkemmidmon's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bamkemmidmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about manatees.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not shave your back.