Paktanyamdud Gutabstig is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, compassionate naga.

Paktanyamdud Gutabstig created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Paktanyamdud Gutabstig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Paktanyamdud Gutabstig, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Paktanyamdud Gutabstig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Paktanyamdud Gutabstig's Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed pineapples to shrews while wearing red skirts.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Always look after injured grasshopers.