Vagwabfot is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, all-powerful turtle.

Vagwabfot created gold eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagwabfot, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagwabfot, he will destroy your favourite star.

Vagwabfot's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Vagwabfot's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must never eat bread.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.