Bemgarkim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, generous walrus.

Bemgarkim created oxygen three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemgarkim, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bemgarkim, he will turn you into a sheep.

Bemgarkim's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Bemgarkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear pink clothing.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Bemgarkim on top of all buildings.

3. Mites are not to be trusted.

4. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.