Timlatnarkin is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, smart mole.

Timlatnarkin created energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timlatnarkin, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Timlatnarkin, she will turn you into a goat.

Timlatnarkin's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Timlatnarkin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never look at galaxies.