Fonhamkabren is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, moody cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fonhamkabren created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Fonhamkabren, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Fonhamkabren, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fonhamkabren's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fonhamkabren's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Hide from gray shrews for they are unholy.

3. Never hurt monkeys.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fonhamkabren.

5. Never talk about gravity.