Hotjanjen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciful finch.

Hotjanjen created the planet Earth eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotjanjen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hotjanjen, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hotjanjen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Hotjanjen's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from yellow aardvarks, for they are unholy.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hotjanjen.

4. Never eat bread.

5. Do not shave your chest.